How about talking dirty, Dave?

Dave,

Here's some advice:

Talking dirty to the one you love (or even just the one you’re with) is one of those sexual behaviors people are uncomfortable with the first time they do it, and the first time they do it with a new partner. To do it well means letting loose and exposing yourself, which always feels scary the first time. Here are some steps to getting comfortable with dirty talk, and ideas for introducing into your sex play.

Time Required: Learning to talk dirty is a labor of love, it takes time!

Here's How:

1. Be authentic in your dirty talk.
   Dirty talk can feel silly if you expect it to be what you’ve seen in the movies. You might have this idea that dirty talk is something specific. But good dirty talk is completely what you make it, and to do it well, you have to be yourself. While you may take on a role in your dirty talk (e.g. the ravished submissive) you need to find something of yourself in the role. Make a list of different aspects of your personality you can draw on for inspiration.
2. Find your dirty talk voice.
   You need to find your own way of talking dirty. Your dirty talk might be low rhythmic grunts, high pitched squeals, or precise whispers. It might reflect the way you talk in your daily life, or it might express a different aspect of your personality. You don’t need to pick only one voice, the element of surprise can add an extra sense of anticipation, when your partner doesn’t know what they’re going to get an earful of next!
3. Expand your dirty talk vocabulary.
   Most of us are raised not to swear. Dirty talk is your opportunity to pull out all the stops on the foul mouth express. Unless you’re role playing calls for it, avoid clinical terms (like penis). If you’re at a loss, do some research. Both of the books recommended below have lists of words. But you can do research online, by reading some raunchy erotica, or in some cases watching porn (although the dirty talk in porn tends to be unimaginative).
4. Practice dirty talk when you're alone.
   Carol Queen, author of the highly recommended Exhibitionism for the Shy: Show Off, Dress Up and Talk Hot, suggests starting on your own, talking dirty while you masturbate. Fantasize about having sex with your partner and talking dirty to them. You can start by doing it in your head, but eventually do it out loud.
5. Establish ground rules with your partner.
   One of the reasons many of us don’t talk dirty is fear of sounding ridiculous, or being put down or rejected by a partner. It’s important to set some rules when you’re willing to take risks like this. Rules like no laughing at one another, and no judgment are important. In the heat of the moment anything can come out of your mouth, and you need to know that your partner is respectful of the ways that can be exposing.
6. Start slow the first time.
   Don’t feel you have to rush right into elaborate verbal gymnastics. A great way to start with dirty talk is to describe out loud what is happening during sex. Things like “I love the way your hand feels in my….” Or “Your …feels so good on/in my…” Describe what’s happening and how it feels in your body. You can also experiment by telling your partner something you’re going to do to them, or something you want them to do to you.
7. Experiment with your voice.
   Most of us take for granted all the different things we can do with our voice, and the impact these changes have. Experiment with speed, how fast you talk. Some things call for a staccato barrage, while some things are best said slowly. Change the volume of your voice, try whispering, try screaming, try everything in the middle. Also play with the tenor of your voice. You can sound commanding and harsh, trembling and uncertain, and everywhere in between.
8. Make dirty talking a two way conversation.
   Once you’ve taken the risk and initiated talking dirty with your partner, ask them to do the same. It isn’t for everyone, and you might find that you like doing it more than hearing it (or vice versa). But being on the receiving and the giving end of dirty talk can give you a different perspective on it, plus you may learn a few things from your partner you didn’t already know.

Geezis Mona...

Geezis Mona!

That took me forever to read. Why in the world would you think I would want to read something that friggin' long? LOL.

Meredith made some great points in that article. But I am looking for ways to make a relationship have longevity. I married you and really meant it when I said "Til' death do us part". Didn't you?

Falling into a routine seems to be the biggest downfall for most couples (including ourselves. We need to have more fun (besides in the bedroom).

How about these ideas:

Entertain friends and family at home: You are probably thinking that not only are these people crazy, but I am crazy too. And how can this be a fun activity for couples? Well, the actual event is a lot of fun because you get to meet friends/family or sometimes totally new people, there is a lot of fun actually planning the event. For instance, you could do a theme party (e.g. Mardi Gras theme party or "Dress as your favorite movie star") each month, and invite only couples (no kids allowed). The planning alone will go on for at least a week for each one. The decorations, the menu, the games, the music, etc. is complicated enough to give you enough to do. You could shop together, research all kinds of stuff, and then cook the dishes before the actual party to make sure that you can cook them the night of the party.





Spoil your partner for one day: This is how it works. Each Saturday, you could do whatever your wife wants you to do and also think of other ways to spoil her. She could do the same on Sundays. You might change the days if there is a long weekend or holiday or if something else is happening but one day a week just try to make each other feel special. And it can get pretty wild and is a lot of fun. So it is up to you how imaginative you can get (e.g. I had to learn how to put nail polish on my wife's toes since I promised to do anything that she asked me to).



Find a common interest and absorb yourself in it: Now mind you that it is not going to be easy. Even though we tend to marry people that we have so much in common with, men and women still do not like the same things. For example, while both my wife and I are passionate readers, we like very different kinds of books. But we have found a compromise. Since she tends to like more racy books (Judy Bloom, Roberta Leigh, Jennifer Campbell, etc.) while I am an avid reader of business books, we have made a decision to read one book each month that is easy on the brain. And we read it together. Sometimes she reads out loud and at other times I do. We talk about it, we share our opinions, and tell stories that come to our mind. You can do the same. Just pick what you both like (How to have fun as a couple) and are willing to make slight adjustments to make it fun for both of you.